Wednesday, April 22, 2009
 | Current mood:  artistic Category: Religion and Philosophy (before anyone gets all screwed up about this blog.. i am NOT suicidal.. this is not a cry for help.. it is how i am dealing with something that i never got over... ..) [i had wanted to write a letter as if this was my last day on earth.. and the words that i would wish everyone to know] Dear Friends, Family.. and almost lovers.. the journey has ended and i am with God. i have not lived a perfect life but served a perfect King.. even tho i did it in imperfect ways.. tho my work has not been finished, my job is done, and i pass the gauntlet on to the next soul that feels God's call to take it up. to my family... i am sorry for the shame i brought. to my friends.. i am sorry for using you. to my almost lovers.. i'm sorry i wasn't more... in death i will find peace and the spiritual battles will be ended.. i will stand before God and praise Him in His holy temple.. in my life all i ever wanted was for you to know that Jesus Christ was love... that .. my words.. even tho masked with death and destruction, were meant to love.. and never hurt.. there is nothing i can or could do to make you believe me. i could only live the way i knew how to live.. will i call you out by name? no. you know who you are and you know where you stood in my heart. you know where you stood in my life. i may never speak to anyone ever again.. but i pray my words ring loud and true in your ears.. the words i spoke or wrote by God's urging... death has no hold over me.. and has no hold over any of you that are born again in Christ's forgiveness. the world has nothing to offer but pain and grief. posessions and status only create ways to fall from grace and into oblivion. too many times i and my loves ones have cared more about what others think, than what God thinks... i pray for our forgiveness. i pray God's redemptive blood over our vain souls. i wish there had been a way to go back in time.. to see the ones i loved.. the ones that have gone before me... and tell them of Christ.. and tell them of His love.. and show my love... but i was too busy with my own agendas... and i had lived in regret. i did not truly die to self and in turn.. they died before me.. so i go on.. praying.. and hoping that maybe someone else reached them... that someone else picked up the gauntlet beyond where i dropped it. and i pray that you who read this... will know that what i have believed is not just a phase.. not just a delusion, but something i know is real.. My God was not and is not and never will be a magic 8 ball.. He is not the amazing kreskin, nor is He santa claus that gives us everything on our list of wants. He is the King and Creator of the Universe and He holds the powers of death and life... He sent His Son to correct a corruption that occurred. rather than destroy everything and everyone, He chose to save them. no more redos.. no more drawing boards.. just a patch that.. when accepted, was a fix for eternity... to those that never believed.. never understood.. i wish you well.. to those that do know and understand.. i will see you on the other side... in my dreams i have seen the visions of the life i had lived.... and the hurts and joys brought before me... every hurt.. every passion.. every joy.. created me... formed me... and as i am gone...my God lives on... and i will only be remembered as a name.. in His Grip Bones |
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